25 Things Every Ham Radio Operator Says at Least Once

Whether you’re a brand-new Technician or a grizzled Extra with soldering-iron battle scars, every ham eventually utters the same phrases. Some are hopeful. Some are delusional. All are universally understood. Here are 25 of the greatest hits—not necessarily in order.

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25 Things Every Ham Radio Operator Says at Least Once

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1. “I’ll just put up a quick wire…”  This harmless-sounding statement usually precedes two trips to the hardware store, 45 minutes staring at a tree branch, followed by a surprise thunderstorm. The “quick wire” takes anywhere from three hours to three days.

2. “This tuner will match anything.” Translation: I have given up trying to actually fix the antenna.

3. “I’m just going to the hamfest to look, not to buy anything.” Within an hour, you’ve purchased an SWR meter from 1970 and considered dragging a Heathkit boat anchor home.

4. “Propagation is terrible today.” This useful phrase applies to no one answering your CQ, someone hearing you but not understanding you, or working a station across town and blaming the ionosphere for the embarrassment.

5. “I’ll only be on the air for a few minutes.” This comment is always made right before a rare DX station appears, or when you’re stuck rag-chewing with someone who wants to talk about their recent gallbladder surgery.

6. “It’s not the radio’s fault.”  Often this is followed by hours of troubleshooting. Then you realize that it was the radio’s fault, or the coax, or your cat walking across the keyboard and changing the settings.

7. “I’ll fix that cable later.” No, you won’t. That coax with the suspicious crimp connector will survive for years, only to fail the moment you try to impress someone with your station.

8. “My audio sounds fine on my monitor.”  Your monitor is lying. The guy on frequency who says, “You sound a little bassy” is being gentle.

9. “Why is my noise floor S9?” This comment is usually followed by turning off every breaker in the house, then hunting for RFI as if it owes you money.

10. “Does anyone copy this?” This is usually said when you use a simplex frequency that hasn’t been used since 1997, or you accidentally bumped the mic.

11. “Okay, just one more contact.” Always famous last words. This is why you still find yourself on the air at 1:30 a.m., working a station in Uzbekistan with a signal report of “You’re barely there, but let’s try it!”

12. “Someone must be sitting on my frequency.” Not really—you’re just drifting, fading, or slightly off-frequency. Blaming others is a ham tradition.

13. “I can work that guy if he’d just stop talking.” Said during every DX pileup when the same person keeps giving 10-minute signal reports.

14. “I’ll upgrade eventually.” Every Technician since 1971 has said this at least once. Some even meant it.

15. “I’ll log that later.” Which means you will absolutely not log it later. The QSO will vanish into the void unless you wrote it on a napkin somewhere in the shack.

16. “This is the last radio I’ll ever need to buy.” A standard joke among hams who frequently upgrade or expand their “shack” with new transceivers and accessories.

17.”I got this at a great price.” Often told to XYLs to justify the high cost of specialized radio gear—ones who will never know what it really costs.

18. “It worked just fine yesterday.” A phrase usually uttered with frustration.

19. “I’m only checking in.” Translation for nets—you fully intend to stick around for the entire hour, listening to weather reports from people two towns over.

20. “I swear this antenna worked last week.” But not today. They detuned themselves out of spite, in addition to swaying into branches that weren’t there yesterday.

21. “My antenna farm is complete.” No ham in history has ever said this truthfully.

23. “That meter can’t be right.” Whether it shows high SWR, low power output, or something smoking, the meter is always wrong, never you.

20. “I’ll fix the shack wiring someday.” You will someday discover a bundle of wires that looks like a nest built by a gang of over-caffeinated squirrels with access to cable company leftovers.

21. “I’m going to operate QRP today.” You begin with the best intentions, right before you remember you haven’t slept enough to decode weak signals. You don’t have the patience to battle kilowatt stations shouting their callsigns like auctioneers. You eventually switch back to 100 watts…or more.

22. “That’s odd… it was working a minute ago.” This comment precedes troubleshooting sessions lasting from 10 minutes to 10 hours—and occasionally a small fire.

23. “This is the last radio I’m buying.” Yeah, right. You’ll be shopping for another one within six months, possibly sooner if Yaesu, Icom, or Flex releases some shiny new box.

24. “I think band conditions are improving.”  Sometimes it’s said with genuine hope, or because you’re trying to justify the amount of time you’ve already spent calling CQ. It could be that you heard one whisper of an FT8 signal and are now convinced the band is opening.

25. “QRM! QRN! RFI!” These three little letters explain everything from a neighbor’s grow light, solar inverter, or possibly a toaster with malicious intent. It must be shouted into the mic, as if that will make the interference go away.

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